My first article.

Time to return to my roots :)

Taken from http://astatine19.blogspot.com/2008/05/khushman-speaks.html

Khushman Speaks

Recently, I told my friend that I was about to put up another post on my blog. He asked,

"Why? It's already dead! Why are you reviving it??"

I said, "Dude, who said it's dead??"

Now, I may seem to be sloppish and lazy, but that does not, in any way, mean that this blog's dead. Nope. Bokay?

Anyways, since his blog's dead, I'll be posting here a masterpiece of his writing. It all happened when he refused to tell me the meaning of some code (he has still not obliged!) and I threatened him with my displeasure - that got his creative juices flowing. Enjoy!

astatine19: whats 4588774925??

Khushman: That's like I said earlier(not to you in particular) known only to those to whom i've taught that particular algorithm or shared that 'secret' code and have such 'advanced' knowledge....lol sorry dude. And what's this mood interlude thingy?? You know I don't have the bandwidth to open it.

He uses his cell to access the net, hence the limited bandwidth.
astatine19: either do i. and dont u run around circles. tell me... or suffer my displeasure

Khushman: What does the 'my displeasure' package you offer include?? Does it include a tour of the grand canyon of blood?? Of the devil's drama?? Of hell's holes?? Of fiery fowls?? And last but not the least(I hope), it offers a personal massage from satan with boiling oil doesn't it?? I'll only take it if it offers the above features, plus I want a 20% discount on the tour price because i'm an old customer of your pleasure and annoyance. Those were fun trips so I hope you haven't gone down on the quality of your trips. Looking forward to a reply -Fake Jesus Christ

Khushman: Btw, I forgot the last line. I respect the place where your annoyance and my pleasure meet. Namaste.

He's a big fan of Fake Steve Jobs, and so am I.

astatine19: Namaste. We'll be honoured to have you as our esteemed guest. I shall get our special suite ready for you. Enjoy your... visit

astatine19: watever. wat does that number mean??

Khushman: Hmmm....hey dude, the text's not complete. Tell me a good place to post the entire thing. No not email, that won't work. Something else.

astatine19: i dont wanna read it! just temme the meaning of that number. and dont change the topic!

Khushman: Dude, it took me 2hrs to write it. So tell me a place to post it.

astatine19: facebook. 2 hours?? dont u have anything better to do???

He's an IIT student, so it's necessary for him to have something better to do. Umm, something like studying.

Khushman: And why do you wanna know what that that number means??

astatine19: coz i've been seeing it a lot and i wanna know wat it means! simple. plain curiosity. there u go. now temme

Khushman: Whaddya mean seeing it a lot?? You can only have seen that in 2 places. Orkut and facebook

Thus concluded our "orkut chatting." Soon afterwards, I received a mail from him in Facebook. I recognized it as a masterpiece as soon as I read it; and after receiving his consent, am proud to post it here:
Thank you, i'm looking forward to my trip. It's gonna be a fun holiday!! Hope you will be my guide as I haven't been to anything as thrilling as Your Displeasure. Your Annoyance was fun but then Displeasure has always been more fun than Annoyance, in most cases. It will also be a pleasure to meet my blood-brother, Devil. It's been so long since we've met(Last time we met was to discuss the possibility of an advertising campaign for good deeds on earth financed by him. It was a total failure, with a fullon quarrel).I do love him for his growing popularity. Ok, not really. As he's taking my ex-followers in his fold. I'll have to enact revenge and am planning an ambush on him. I'm in contact with a well-known cracker(The pope's robe's just a disguise. You should see his MacBook Air under his robes. It's truly skilful the way he hides it) and he says he's got the devil's OS all figured out, and also found out a few vulnerabilities which will allow me to preach on his own emergency channel. I'm planning to record the meaningless ramblings of our best(i.e. most boring) priest, known for his remarkable efficiency (in putting people to sleep). This will get him and all his followers to a coma-like unconscious state in mere minutes, and that's when i'll call on my followers, who'll come in my great vehicles(Noah's Ark, my walking stick, also a new Tata Nano which is all we can afford because of absmally low donations) as they're too old to walk. Then I plan to convert most of their population to mine with ournewly stolen 'Mind Disillusioner'(it says on the package that it's made by 666Ltd., Demonic Industrial Estate, hmmm...wonder what that means). Then they'll all be under my command and we'll make the world the beautiful place called paradise. There'll be preachers everywhere, no intimacy will be allowed, sex and booze will be banned, my word shall be law!! The 7 deadly sins will not occur, alongwith some new sins that my counterparts on earth have cooked up. Also, women and men will have no free rights(except for some chosen ones, like my personal chaffeur). They shall have to wear clothes that cover ALL of their bodies, excluding their face. Granted that there shall be no love, but there shall also be no hatred, and cummon, i'll rule everyone. Yeah!! Beautiful birds will roam the earth and flowers will fragrate the place. I'll have a majestic palace(built on rock, mind you) and my enemies will have huts on sand. Movies will have working censor boards which will censor anything that makes my brother look good in anyway. Instead of songs which nobody listens to, it shall have my personal recording which will tell them to do good deeds. The intermission will have my 10 commandments repeated over and over again till all of them have it in their blood. Couples will not be allowed to go(or form, for that matter). Male and female cinema will be different. We shall take strict action against anyone breaking this law. They will have to leave paradise and go to the deep deep lava lake where the warmth will cool and cleanse them. Women will be conscripted to the Angelic Virgin Force, a special division to sing to me and fan me, and in case anybody's having a lil' too much problems, to lure them to my rehab center. There will be none of the blasphemy called coitus by my inferiors. Instead we will have big huge sperm banks, where we will also inject the fairer gender, and make them suffer during labour by banning all forms of anasthesia, for it is my will that they suffer for doing the world so much good. Children will be taken away at birth and be flash-transferred with songs in my glory, and exaggerated stories talking about my achievements, especially the conquest of Hell. Some of them which have super genes(i.e. My blessings) will form an elite strike team called Spartans which will do my bidding and occasionally when i'm in the mood, hunt some deer for me. I shall form a special haz-mat team which will purify hell. They shall have super-effective ramblings from my second-in-command(the original guy who recorded his preachings) so that they do not get infected. For my dear brother, I got a REALLY good surprise cooked up. I'm gonna make him a cosmic hate figure and have hate week, and many other such ceremonies to cleanse him. It's gonna last 1984years and he'll hopefully be a changed man till then because nobody'll like him then. Also he'll be thrown in the worst dungeons I have and i'll bloaten him to such an extent that nobody'll believe that he's the same devil. He'll also have to give up his trident which will be given to my personal bodyguard. Haha he's gonna love every moment of it(I'm jesus. I can't punish him too harshly). And to those damn atheists who don't seem to believe in me, i'll just show them how I won't drown in the dead sea. Of course I wrote the bible so all of those experiences never occured, still it doesn't matter, does it?? Man needs to be in awe of me. And then I and my fellow beings shall live happily ever after, in a state of nirvana in paradise. Now back to reality. So on which days is your esteemed organisation free, specifically when are you, the honourable manager free?? I have a quite packed schedule, as I have shown you above, because I have to plan and coordinate everything. I hope you are free for me, as your facebook status states and be kind enough to accompany me along what promises to be a really enjoyable tour. Yours lovingly, Fake Jesus Christ(Future Fuhrer)

I must say, the guy has it in him for writing.

P.S.: For all those Christian out there offended by this post, I am not responsible for it's contents. Neither do I endorse or condemn any views. If you don't like - don't read it, for I'm invoking my Freedom Of Speech. For those who still insist on preaching me about respect for other people's religion, please save your breath. This is meant to be humour. Those who still don't get it, I have just one word for them: Siooma. Figure out what it means. All the necessary material and hyper links are available within this post. Happy hunting!

Posted by astatine19 at 2:17 AM

Namaste. :P

Ahh, the kota days!

Philosophy in a comic.

Well, calvin and hobbes is my favourite comic, and what can I say, while reading the archives I came across a comic which, well, opened my eyes:

It's true.
How many times does it happen that in pursuit of a better future and a better time later in life do we forget to enjoy the present day and time? We sacrifice our present for a future that we do not even know what is holding for us, for we have no control over it. What we have control over is here and now, that is the present, and we tend to forget to enjoy it over past troubles and future worries.

This made me realize the need of living in the present, and also the fact that everything in life be it the smallest event teaches us something, something which echoes of the wise philosophy, that wisdom is present all around us still we fail to see it. Like being blind due to too much light in your eyes.

Anyways adios! And till next time when I hope that I have more such insights to help me!

MAELA

This goes out to an amazing gal,

The awesomest of them all,

And knowingly or unknowst to her,

All her hearts belong to her.

Shilpa her name is pronounced 

And a true namesake she turns out.

An artist ,weaving our hearts,

In a tapestry from which friendship starts.

Perfectly crafted in her innocense,

A model girl with impeccable sense.

Follows the omniscient universal laws,

So strong willed ,when needed impossible to thaw .

Quitely lost ,coming back with a "kya?"

The KC's have rigthly christened her MAELA.

Born from the ancient language ,

It lets us ,her true nature guage.

Perennially  lost in her own world,

We must from there recall,

Her to remain with us ,mere fleshmen.

And grace to her enlightenment.

Silently absorbing ,learning quickly,

She does evolve astonishingly ,

And her degrees like that from winter to summer ,

Rise unabated,surprising all her peers.

And loved wherever she goes,

All i can say  

"Shilpa ,may you always be happy i pray"

And i go back to this unfair life,

With the hope that of herself she gives a slice.

The Fall of the Dreamers

In the land of the mind,
Not of the barren kind,
Is the dreamer's lair,
Amongst which is creativity the flair.

The terrain isn't flat,
Maybe in peace or in combat,
But never will it be,
Part of monotony's conspiracy.

Never are they bored,
Or predictable or uncontrolled,
For one day they may dance with a dragon,
And the next make elixir in a flagon.

Unbounded by time and space,
Above the rat race,
Of trivial things they do not care.,
And of life's experiences they share.

Poets, philosophers,
Thinkers and inventors.
In the midst of life's plight,
These dreamers show us true light.

Wisdom's winding path they walk on,
For which logicians truly yearn,
For which is hidden from the sensible's sight,
God shows the dreamer with full might.

During the nights, they see the day,
And in the sun, they do make hay.
For their forays into the Soul of World,
Are as simple as the Tablet Emerald.

But listen to your heart, O reader,
For 'tis a matter of great fear.
And the most endangered species today,
Ain't a tiger or some coloured jay.

The dreamer it is that is most endangered.
Creativity blocked, it is frustrated,
The greatest ones, children of new,
Made to unhealthily use their mental sinew.

By mass-producing factories they are begotten,
And with unvalued knowledge they are sodden,
Anger and desperation filled into them till,
Even reaching the peak they fall from the hill.

Take heed of this plight, O Leaders,
The rulers and the torch-bearers!
This mistake must be set right before,
The wrecks lose sight of the shore.

This genocide is worse than war, my friend,
For buildings will be rebuilt and armour unrend,
But the loss of mind and the scars of thought,
Cannot in any way be unwrought.

Now the poem needs to end,
For my dreams beckon me to mend,
My unhealing scars,
Through god's gentle showers.

Memories

As I sat down for another round of JEE preparation, I suddenly turned nostalgic and had to write this. Maybe it was that I was listening to my "old" songs (which I used to hear during the school days), but I suddenly remembered my school days, and the memories started pouring into my head again.

I remembered my Xth class, with our gujju gang and all the fun we used to have. Harsh and I sitting on the first bench and him fooling around all day while I pretended to study. The irritated look because of me on Vandana ma’am’s (Hindi teacher) face. Ah! Too good to be true. Eating from everyone else's Tiffin during the recess :P. Yes, I was the fruit-seller and was famous for bringing fruits everyday in my Tiffin and brutally stabbing the fruits before consuming them. >:). Waiting at the intersection of Dadabhai Road and S.V. Road for someone special :) and then leaving for home.

Ahh..Padmaja ma'am. I haven't met another such an understanding, mature and cool teacher! I could not have had a better class teacher (one of the reasons was that she knew how to turn active volcanoes dormant. More on this later). She was an excellent teacher, relying more on concepts then rote memorization. She was patient when we were moody, helpful when we were in a problem, excused us for our immaturity and understanding enough to give us a second chance. You were amazing ma'am, and I hope you don't ever change, and keep on masterfully molding the wet clay placed under your skillful supervision.

Jennifer ma'am's class, probably the only class in which our section was completely serious ;), and the only class in which we (okay fine, I) couldn't make smarty pants comments, and after Hindi, the other class in which I was not sure I would pass in school. Not because of ma'am's teaching skills, which are superb, but because of her dominatrix (is that even a word?) correction. But you too were amazing ma'am. Guess we needed someone to keep us under control :).

I remember dreading open house, because I always knew that I had screwed up my exams. And almost all the teacher's would undoubtedly say "He has a lot of potential but he hasn't performed as well as expected. He can definitely do much better than this" :). But....padmaja miss, sweetheart that ma'am is would also add "Don't worry, he will do well in his boards" so that almost active volcanoes turned dormant again.(The almost active volcanoes are my parents, ready to you know....burst!).

Well of course I didn't do well in school because bunking classes and attending gaming pubs was then the norm for me. Probably had only half-attendance in my tuitions :P. Obviously since I was so addicted to the pubs, any cancelled/rescheduled tuitions turned into gaming sessions :). And so did special school functions like Republic Day, Annual Day ;).

Well, then came the tuitions. Jayaram (Jai Aram!) sir's classes were one of my favorite! That man truly was his namesake (Jai Aram!) and the classes were some of my favorites! His homework was negligible. But he was a very good teacher and good at what he did. Well I also liked it because I met some of my best friends and got to know them there! We had loads of fun making fun of the JNSiites on their faces (and behind their backs too). Also since his classes were late, I reached late *wink, wink**.

Those days were some of the best in my life, and even though now, when we have all moved on and gotten busy with our new lives, hardly having time for past remembrances, I sometimes remember the bygone days and my eyes moisten up. Thank you very much esp. Priyal, Nandini, Tanvi, Jaitun, Harsh, Aarsh, Padmaja ma'am, Jennifer ma'am and many more for some unforgettable days and amazing moments.

With regards,
Khushman :'(

Teasers for Tanvi

Teasers for Tanvi


As I sit here alone,
Among thoughts of a friend.
Long meetings on a phone,
But she always helps me mend.

She's as thin as a doll,
Almost invisible too,
Fair as a pall,
Opposite of Winnie the Pooh!

A true gujju at heart,
Mind you, few left are true,
Shudders on spending at marts,
And on other shops too!

A super simple gal she is,
You're humbled in her presence.
Describing her doesn't need a thesis,
But she ain't got no nonsense.

Being around her is truly fun,
Her jokes adorably stupid.
PJ's she's an expert in,
But she's not at all vapid.

One of my most amazing friends,
Her name is Tanvi.
And I sure hope she stays,
For all my life's journey.

Verses for Vanya.

Vanya, O my dear Vanya,
A veritable dame,
Cute as the Lucy of Narnia
For fun shes always game.

A cute round face, she possess
An unimaginable cute smile,
Has amazing ponytail tresses,
A glitter always in her eye.

A fun loving cheerful girl, she is,
Of death she cannot hear,
Land of optimisms queen she is,
With her, you can't shed a tear!

In her company, the hours do,
seem to pass and float away.
Her talks are wise, full of life
And parting gives us inner strife.

Believe not what you see, you'll be surprised,
You'll wonder as everyone does,
How can so much fit in so much less,
It unanswerable even by the wise.

No need to ponder, the question which,
Even God may not know why,
A girl independent of any glitch,
She is made just right!!